Mad Libs Style Rejection Letter. Suitable For All Situations
I recently read a blog post entitled, Now My BLOG has a Rejection Slip — Is NOTHING Sacred? In the post, Rob asks the following:
I mean not to be disrespectful but it makes me feel like every person with a web page has decided they can enter the REJECTION SLIP GAME.
This got me to thinking two things. The first was, screw KDP Select for sending a rejection letter to Rob’s blog. So what if Rob doesn’t particularly care about this rejection, and sure, they had a valid reason. Regardless, I still say screw them.
The next thought I had was, “Hey! I own a website. Does this mean I can jump on the rejection slip game?” Hells yeah, it does.
So folks, I have created a handy dandy, Mad Lib’s style rejection letter. All I have to do is circle the appropriate spots and hand it over. Starting today, I will carry my rejection letters and a pencil on my person, everywhere I go. Bad attitude from a waiter? Whip out my rejection slip. Racist joke? Out comes the rejection letter. My friend makes me sit through two hours of horrible acting in a play about vaginas? Babe, I love you but you’re getting the rejection slip.
Dear (Sir / Madame / House Pet / Androgynous Life Form),
It is with (sincere regret / mild consternation / blood boiling anger) that I must (reject / burn / point and laugh at) your (manuscript / screen play / disastrous creative explosion / service / opinion / ill-designed product / sexual advances).
While your (manuscript / screen play / disastrous creative explosion / service / opinion / ill-designed product / sexual advances) does / do show (promise / a complete lack of common decency / the beginnings of an illustrious career as a serial killer / malicious intent / your true colours), it is not what I am looking for at this (time / stage of drunkenness).
I wish you much (luck / hot dogs / jail time / rejection slips) in your future endeavors. Please note, I will not return your (manuscript / screen play / disastrous creative explosion / service / opinion / ill-designed product / sexual advances), nor will I keep it/them on file. I may, however, (turn it over to the police as evidence / share it with all of my friends so they can get a good laugh / post an excerpt on my blog for an informative segment I call What Not To Do / send you my resulting psychiatrist bills / drink myself into a drunken stupor in an attempt to forget this ever happened).
(Sincerely / Go to Hell / Suck it Up, Buttercup),
If you would also like to jump on the rejection letter game, you are welcome to copy, paste and print the above letter for your personal use. If, however, you don’t like the letter then please feel free to create your own rejection letter to reject my rejection letter and email it to me. At which point, I will wholeheartedly reject your rejection. Or cry. It could go either way, really.