Weird SH** People Looked At After Viewing My Book
Every once in a while, I like to check out my books on Amazon to see what other people looked at or purchased after viewing my book. Since a lot of the books that other people view are similar to mine in genre and interest, it is a great way to discover new authors.
I recently decided to check out what other people had looked at after viewing a few of the anthologies I have stories in. I clicked on the anthology called WTF?!, the only non-erotic story I have written thus far. It is a weird little story, a flash fiction piece about a fruit stuck in a discount grocery store. Anyway, here is what customers viewed after viewing this item.
Let’s break this down, shall we?
Whole Milk. Because who wouldn’t but a tub of milk off the internet? And I’ve been walking to the supermarket like a sucker.
Just what the doctor ordered! A radioactive ore sample! Now, I know what you’re thinking. “What good is uranium ore without unicorn meat?” Don’t worry folks; after minimal research, I learned that you can buy both with just the click of a button.
I don’t know about you but that does make my life a lot easier.
I’ll be honest, folks. I was not quite sure what Liquid Ass is, exactly. I have kind of a dirty mind so I assumed it had something to do with kinky sex. Obviously I clicked on it right away. Turns out I was wrong and sorely disappointed. Liquid Ass is a stinky fart spray. Who knows, maybe some people would find that kinky. I personally just wonder why the unicorn meat wouldn’t do the trick.
Ah yes, here you have your run of the mill horse head mask. Personally, I am shocked that everyone on the planet does not own one of these already. I mean, what closet is complete without a horse head neatly displayed between the hat boxes and purse bags on the top shelf?
Alright, here is where things get really fucked up. I can only assume that some weird bastard is out there right now training dogs to use sophisticated, wheeled forms of transport by placing unicorn meat just beyond their reach. Here are these frustrated, salivating dogs wheeling forward for days on end in hopes of getting a little magical sustenance. What happens if they actually reach it? What then? World domination, I bet.
Finally we have the Diamond HDMI Digital Audio/Video Cable. What kind of sicko spends $2,695 + shipping on an audio/video cable when there are actual diamonds that they could purchase for the same amount of money? I ask again, WHAT KIND OF SICKO WOULD DO THAT? Do they not realize that audio/video cables will look stupid draped across their neck? Stupid!
So there you have it, folks. And I have to tell you, I am completely torn at this point. I am not sure whether I should beg you to view my books and then go view other stories right away so that I have a normal, erotic little gallery that other customers may choose from to discover other authors, or challenge you to view my books and then immediately look at weird shit that will make people wonder if all the people who buy my stories are seven kinds of fucked up. So I’ll just leave that up to you. Whatever route you choose, please make sure to like my books and tags while you’re there. If you have happened to purchase one or more of my books, I would LOVE YOU FOREVER if you would leave a star rating and/or review. It has been pointed out that my books are sorely lacking in those.