My Troubles With Naughty Euphemisms
I am currently working with my ultra fab editor on the final touches for A Decent December, a delightful little story about a three-way between a girl, her neighbour and her Hitachi Magic Wand. All of the editor’s suggestions were completely en pointe, which is why I heart her so much. She caught all of the stupid mistakes I made, and then some.
One of the errors she caught was my use of the word shaft twice in the same short paragraph. She suggested I change the second shaft to something along the lines of turgid flesh. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against turgid flesh. But I think turgid flesh is best left to those with more soft, flowing and romantic stories to share. The characters in my stories, especially the short ones, are a little too…consumed to be able to take the time to come up with that thoughtful of a euphemism. So I countered the editor’s turgid flesh with hard cock. Luckily for me, she was on board. Whew!
Another problem I have with adding euphemisms to my stories is that I start to get a little too inventive. If I stray outside cock, shaft, dick, penis, etc. then my dirty mind turns every innocuous word or word combination into a cheezy euphemism. As an example, just the other day I met a guy who had to wear a button that said “Ask Me About Minglestick” (basically a little USB thingy), in an effort to advertise the product. I immediately had to screw with this button:
(Don’t worry, we removed the MY before his boss could see it.) Hmm, now that I think about it, I never did ask him about his Minglestick…damn.