Why I Like to Go to the Movies ALONE
So last night I watched the movie Savages. I am one of those weird people who have no problems whatsoever with going to a movie alone, and when I realized that had finished my days work early I decided, wtf! On my way to the mainland (what islanders call Toronto) I bumped into my mother reading a book outside of her boat. I told her my plans and she invited herself and my little brother along.
“Um, it’s a movie about two drug dealers who share a girlfriend, and she gets kidnapped by other drug dealers so they start killing a bunch of people to get her back. Are you sure it’s a good movie for a fifteen year old to watch?”
“Ah, he’ll be fine. He sees worse in his video games.”
The three of us took a tender across the water and hoped a cab. My boyfriend called me while I was on route to the theatre and decided to join us. My solo adventure was officially a foursome.
Now, I have to tell you, I was pretty damn excited about Savages. A threesome, extensive drug use and other illegal happenings, and gratuitous, righteous, organized violence. I love gangster type movies, drug wars, sexy movies, and movies with a lot of ass kicking. I thought this would be all the shit I love in a movie rolled into one. It wasn’t.
How could they possibly make a movie with all of those kinky elements so boring? The girlfriend, Ophelia, said stupid things because she was stupid, sex scenes were tame and lame, and the violence lacked the build and cleverness that is expected from organized crime movies.
Now, I am not offering a full blown review here but I do have other complaints. Would they tell the story from the POV of such a vapid character? Why would they not show a deeper connection between O and her boyfriends? Threesomes are not exactly mainstream in movies yet. This director had the opportunity to bring something into the light and shed some understanding but instead he just presented something that can be easily attacked and dismissed as slutty and anti-feminist. (I will put my final beef with the movie at the end of this post under the header: SPOILER ALERT because I don’t want to ruin the movie for anyone who plans to see it. I prefer that the movie is spoiled for you as it unfolds before your eyes on screen.)
So were there any redeeming qualities to the movie? Yes. Salma Hayek played her part brilliantly and she looked gorgeous doing it, and I always love Benicio del Toro. He does creepy and dangerous so well. John Travolta’s character was also entertaining. None of this, unfortunately, was enough to satisfy my family.
As we left the theatre, my mother turned to me, glaring, and said, “Well that movie was highly inappropriate for your brother.”
“And it sucked balls,” said my brother.
“Wait. Isn’t it opening weekend for Spiderman? WTF, D.C.?”asked my boyfriend.
“Salma Hayek was good,” I mumbled.
“Seriously, next time I’m picking the movie,” said my boyfriend. “And I’m not basing it on Salma Hayek’s hotness.”
“I’m picking it!” yells the brother. “We’re all going to see Dark Knight on Friday!”
My family agreed that Dark Knight was definitely on the roster for Friday night.
“I don’t want to go to a movie on Friday,” I complained.
“Too bad! We saw your crappy movie. Now you have to see our pick.”
The family discussed the details while I tried to figure out how I just got roped into fighting the crowds on opening night for a movie I am not burning with desire to see.
This is why I like to go to movies alone.
Another thing that pissed me off to no end was that was Salma’s character, Elena, was the only one to get punished at the end. Everyone else gets off without any repercussions? Even the rapist lived happily ever after. WTF? Does Oliver Stone hate women? Blake Lively’s character is dumb and purposeless, Salma Hayek’s character is a super bitch who goes soft the moment her daughter is in danger. This so rubbed me the wrong way.