Aren’t You Paid to Not Be Dumb?
Some people are dumber than I am. I try my hardest not to make fun of these people for two simple reasons. The first is that I’m afraid that the only thing I will accomplish by pointing and laughing at stupidity is to make myself appear pompous and arrogant. The second reason is that, while it’s true that there are many people out there who are a lot dumber than me, there are also people who are a lot smarter. It would not feel good if those people started acting all pompous and arrogant as they made fun of my lack of smarts.
Despite my best efforts, my exasperation or sense of humour will sometimes win out over my ability to turn a blind eye. Like when I watched the video of the chick who could not grasp the concept of MPH. Or when the person saying stupid, thoughtless things happens to be in charge of shaping the minds of our nation’s youth. In the past year I’ve met two teachers whom I simply gawked at, in awe of their overwhelming stupidity.
Here is the first conversation, which took place at a wedding:
Me: I would love to travel to Costa Rica and volunteer my time with sloths.
Grade 3 Teacher: Sloths! AHAHAHAHA!
Me: Um yeah…they’re funny creatures I guess.
Grade 3 Teacher: Whatever!
Grade 3 Teacher: Like a sloth is real!
Me: No, you know…sloths. Big furry creatures who lack proper nutrients in their food so they don’t have the energy to move around much…so moss grows on them? Some of them have three toes on each foot so they’re called Three Toed Sloths?
Grade 3 Teacher: You’re so funny! Stop pulling my leg.
Me: You’re fucking with me, right?
Now folks, sloths are pretty fantastical creatures. I can understand how someone might have a hard time believing that three-toed creatures covered in moss actually exist. But this woman teaches grade 3! Isn’t it part of her job to know about three toed sloths?
Here is how the second conversation with another teacher went:
Early Education Teacher: It’s too bad you can’t swim in Lake Ontario.
Me: Oh, there’s lots of places it’s clean enough to swim. We sail to the other side of the Island and swim there a lot.
Early Education Teacher: Aren’t you afraid?
Me: Trust me, it’s very clean.
Early Education Teacher: No, I mean aren’t you afraid of sharks?
Me: Um, there aren’t any sharks in Lake Ontario.
Early Education Teacher: There aren’t?
Me: No because Lake Ontario is fresh water.
Early Education Teacher: So?
Me: So, um, sharks don’t live in fresh water.
Early Education Teacher: Oh.
Me: *Turning to my boyfriend* Is she fucking with me?
Here is the same early education teacher, different conversation:
Early Education Teacher: Why is the same name typed across of all these photographs?
Me: That’s the artist’s name.
Early Education Teacher: *blank stare*
Me: A man took all of these photos and then the curator posted his name to the bottom of each of them.
Early Education Teacher: Oh, okay.
Me: *pause* Seriously, are you fucking with me?
I weep for our nation’s youth.