Hate the Player and His Games. Or Just Laugh at His Expense.
One of my best guy friends is a real player. I don’t quite get how he manages to get all of these super hot girls to fawn over him because he’s not especially good looking, he sucks at telling jokes and he doesn’t have gobs of money. He is my friend, though, and has been for more years than I care to admit.
Anyway, I just hung up from a hilarious phone conversation, the content of which I feel an intense need to share with you, my faithful followers as well as the online masses in general.
Him: Hi, D.C.. What’s up?
Me: What’s up with you. Why are you whispering and all echo-ey?
Him: I’m in my bathroom.
Me: Dude, you’ve reached a new level of gross.
Him: No, I’m hiding in my bathroom so I can call you.
Me: What’s going on? Do you have a psycho bitch in your apartment? Do you need me to come over and be your fake girlfriend to fake catch you with another woman?
Him: No, she’s cool. She’s just screwing everything up. Remember that girl from the US who was staying with me for the weekend? That’s her and she’s STILL here. Her flight was cancelled because of the storm.
Me: So? She stays for an extra day or two. What’s the big deal if she’s cool?
Him: Remember the girl from B.C. whose coming for a visit? She gets here tomorrow.
Me: Ahahahaha! Maybe her flight will be cancelled, too.
Him: It’s not funny, and she’s arriving by bus. Fuck, this chick already screwed one relationship for me this weekend. Now she’s screwing up B.C. Chick. And B.C. chick is a model.
Me: Wait. What relationship did she already screw up?
Him: Remember that chick from Markham I am seeing? Yeah, she caught us having dinner. Why the fuck she was in downtown Toronto, I don’t know.
Me: AHAHAHAHAHA! You loser!
Him: This has never happened to me before. *sigh* Ah well, Markham chick wanted babies so it never would’ve worked out anyway.
Me: You never told her you were exclusive so maybe she’ll get over it. Besides, this isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. You’re probably just losing your touch is all.
Him: Shut up.
Me: You shut up. And don’t call back until you can tell me how this all plays out. I need to hear your problems to take my mind off actual problems.
Him: Yeah okay. Talk to you later.
Me: Oh, one more thing.